“You can love someone so much,' he thought. 'But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”
- John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
Dear Far Away Friend,
I don’t know where you are and I'm really scared. I know nothing I say will bring you back but nobody can tell me that you won’t visit. Please, I feel so alone because you are the only person I can talk to about what happened. And I’m so tired, so fucking tired of being left behind.
You’ve left me in a pool of emotions and I don’t know if any of them makes sense because my thoughts are drowning in a senseless riptide. I’m so angry with you for abandoning me and our future plans without so much as a goodbye. I feel guilty for being angry with the dead. I’m broken, repeatedly, when I’m reminded of you. I can’t face anyone with your name. I feel happy when you visit me in my dreams but I feel shitty when I wake. I am terrified you might never visit me. I feel a defeated calm on some days and a mess on most. I’m desperate. I miss you so much.
I know that if I wanted to talk to someone about you I could but in their company is when I feel most alone. Nobody knows what happened, what you were thinking, where you went, or why it ended that way. There is no fucking point in talking to anyone if they can’t give me those answers. You are the only one who can and you’ve left all of us behind. It doesn’t make sense. The you I loved would never wish this on anyone, and now you’ve granted it on me.
You know you’ve always been a leader in everything you do but this time, you’ve paved the way too far ahead and lost us. I miss you so much and need you to visit me. Nobody has given me any comfort or answers and nobody ever will because they can’t. I don’t expect them to, and that’s why I need you. So please come back at least for a brief moment to tell me why, or just so my messages turn “Read”, or we can even go bowling together, I’ll say yes this time. Please, I miss you but I need you far more.
Sincerely,
Image by K From the Mountain.
