Dear Asparagus Lady,
I decided to write you this letter because my interaction with you made me realise that the way I present myself, particularly with the words I choose to say, may not be taken the way I intended them to be. You made me understand that my experience in choosing and saying my words is entirely different from your experience listening to them. So I want to apologise for our misunderstanding.
When you asked if you could have the asparaguses that were beside me after you paid for your groceries, I focused on the word “have”. That’s why I responded with, “Yes but you have to pay for them” to let you know that I couldn’t give them to you to have, you had to buy them. That’s all. I wasn’t implying you couldn’t pay for them nor did I think that you were homeless and I never meant to offend you in any way. I was just trying to do my job by letting you know you had to pay for the asparaguses, like any other grocery.
It didn’t occur to me that my response could be an offensive one at all until you responded to me, clearly angry, by calling me a “stupid person” and saying “Of course I’m going to pay for them. What? You think I’m stupid?” and going on about how a homeless person could be buying groceries or carrying a designer bag. I was honestly taken by surprise because I had no idea what set you off or where your words were coming from. That’s why I kept quiet and didn’t apologise then and there. I thought you were simply looking for something to be mad about and I didn’t feel any fault at the time. There was also a family with three kids right beside you so I didn’t want to say anything in case it fuelled you to say something I didn’t want the kids to hear.
Thinking back now, I realise that it was my words that set you off, even if that was not my intention. I thought about how the words I meant nothing by could’ve been taken as an insult and I realised my perception of the words are completely different from yours. Maybe you reacted sensitively because you’ve gone through tough times in your life, perhaps to do with homelessness or money problems. Perhaps it’s simply that you had already had rough day and were already on edge and what I said was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Maybe you lashed out because you were embarrassed. Maybe it’s none of these things but I realise now that it was something in your life experiences that made my words toxic to you. And I am so sorry about that.
Even more so, I am sorry I didn’t apologise then and there. I was worried about the kids but it would’ve been good for them to hear me apologise to you. I hope that your day picked up from there. And if anything, I hope you find comfort in the fact that you taught me a couple of valuable lessons hat day. So thank you.
Sincerely,
Image by K From the Mountain.
